You definitely are not alone, and it does often feel good to be honest about suicidal thoughts to speak what many people consider to be the unspeakable. At this point, the instinct is what keeps me living. West was last seen on the Golden Gate Bridge onSept. 30, 2020 just before 7 a.m., according to the San Francisco Police Department. My brother did the same in 2002. ive suffered depression for Years, 2 suicide attempts in 2008. what can I do. Her family launched a website,findsydneywest.com, that they hope will remind the community Sydney is still missing. Another possibility is that the instinct to live kicks in once someone comes close to dying. While at Berkeley she joined the rowing team and showed a strong interest in medicine, business, and biological science. Sure if youve got someone/s to bail you out after your attempt, yeah youve got a reason to live. As 6 months passes where we have not seen or heard fromSydney, it becomes increasingly painful, her parents, Jay and Kimberly West, said in a statement provided to SFGATE. We cannot overlook that 10% of people who survive a suicide attempt do go on to die by suicide. I have battled the thoughts of suicide for many years but after I had children those thoughts died. We dont like living in pain, and we look for ways of ending that pain and, being creatures of habit, we do it in old familiar ways because thats what we know. In fact, the increase in suicides at other locations in Toronto did not make up for the dramatic decrease in suicides at the viaduct itself. SAN FRANCISCO (CBS SF) The family of a UC Berkeley freshman who disappeared last September has offered a $10,000 reward for information in connection with the case. The. It certainly sounds like your friends antidepressants are not working. For suicidal individuals and their loved ones, survivors, mental health professionals, & others who care, Although severe depression led him to jump off the bridge, Kevin Hines, Yet it gives me great hope that the vast majority of suicide attempt survivors remain just that survivors. My passion for helping suicidal people stems from my own lived experience with suicidality and suicide loss. The attempt was no cry for help. After all, they were intent on dying. If you havent already joined a support group for other suicide loss survivors, that might help you; such groups are available in person and online. Her family relocated to North Carolina in July 2017. She vanished without a trace from San Francisco, California, near the Golden Gate Bridge, a popular tourist spot for many. But, as you said, the problem is also bigger than a question of means. There were probably signs that you had a drinking problem from the very beginning. It was a startling revelation. We talked a lot about loving each other. What happens to them afterward? In the 1970s, a researcher named Richard Seiden wanted to find out what happened to 515 people who came to the Golden Gate Bridge to die within the previous 35 years, but who were stopped by California Highway Patrol officers. Thank you for reaching out to Joan and offering your support. But overall, the evidence is that prevention is not simply a temporary delay of death. Berkeley. The articles abstract states: Following the interventions, there was an 86% reduction in jumping suicides per year at the sites in question (95% CI 79% to 91%). YEAH? Say someone wants to die by suicideso badly that they go to the Golden Gate Bridge to jump off. The sad thing is that, as I say in my letter, some of what your friend thinks and believes may actually be true, but his mind is probably also shutting him out of other truths that could balance out his pain. Its sad how much youve suffered, and its inspirational how differently you feel right now. It seems to be an if all else fails, Ill just kill myself attempt to cope that gives me short-term comfort but itlike alcoholonly provides temporary relief and Im still left with my limited ability to cope with life. Some die instantly from internal injuries, while others . I cant get beyond the pain. Children are a major reason for living for many people who battle suicidal thoughts. He once tried to jump off the Aloha Tower in Honolulu only to be thwarted at the last minute by police. The tragedy of suicide is indisputable. I am sure your mum will be watching over you, so sad that she caused you so much pain, please seek help, you are precious, with love xxx. I am literally living day by day and full of guilt, regret and anger. But in reality, he cant know what the future holds. I am very sorry for your loss. All rights reserved. Any information could help so if you know anyone that was in that area around that time, please use contact information provided below. (felt good to be honest for once). The decision collapsed Rhodes sister's claim that her brother was murdered as cameraman Guzman should have been in a boat to pull her brother out of the water. She grew up in Pleasanton, CA and then moved to Chapel Hill, NC with her family during high school. She was at Crissy Field, near the bridge. I know someone who hanged themself 18 months ago after a buildup of personal problems and much alcohol that night, but rescue services were called and saved him. I am now 49, and I fantasize about suicide knowing I will never actually do it but wishing it was an option. Maybe I didnt want to think he could actually do it. Im afraid to try again and it just adds for anger, desperation, loss of control over my own life and guilt for those in my life who have to worry. The most intuitive reason is that suicidal crises are, by their nature, temporary. The entire bridge in covered with CCTV cameras monitored 24/7, and footage is retained for 6 months as it is federal land and monitored by Homeland Security. You cant will people to live. Now I dont know if I can fight it, but coping with failure and constant depression is impossible. Each year I did - 2004, 2007, and 2013 - the Red Sox went on to win the World Series. She was last seen wearing a light teal hoodie, dark leggings, and slip-on vans sneakers with dark green and black print. Her disappearance was every parents worst nightmare. Will I Be Committed to a Mental Hospital if I Tell a Therapist about my Suicidal Thoughts? What happens is if you dont kill yourself you spend the rest of your life being told you didnt mean it. Throughout the years, Ive engaged in self-injurious behaviors. She failed at killing herself and learned a different process of questions to see her feelings. West's parents are asking anyone who may have been. I tried to commit suicide when I was 18. I am so glad my attempt did not end in my death. They then examine the demographic characteristics of those who commit suicide from the bridge as well as the fatal attraction of the Golden Gate Bridge. Email: Andrew.Chamings@sfgate.com | Twitter: @AndrewChamings. West took a rideshare service to the Golden Gate Bridge; the driver cooperated with San Francisco police and is not believed to be a suspect. A couple hours. On average, 30 people or more die from suicide here each year. San Francisco police and the Orange County Sheriffs Office in North Carolina did not immediately respond to a request for comment from SFGATE. Press J to jump to the feed. At 10 o'clock in the morning, Ken. It may feel 100% true to him. Im all right, Im prepared for this! Dusty Rhodes yelled as he launched himself from the Golden Gate Bridge. I pretended to have an awakening and successfully faked a born-again quality joy that warded off the idiotic, feeble attempts of others to help me. The West family has also upped its reward for her return to $25,000. The longitude and latitude for the Bridge location is approximately: N 37 Degrees, 49 Minutes, 8.0 Seconds --- W 122 Degrees, 28 Minutes, 40.6 Seconds. There are many people with children whose pain or distorted thinking overrides all else, in spite of their best wishes. Confessed to my dad and got shipped to a hospital. Others need to respect the decision. According to Find Sydney West, there is a $25,000 reward for information that leads to finding Syd, who is described as 5'10 tall and about 130 pounds with blue eyes and blonde hair. In 2000, he actually did jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. of the different medications. I woke up on my own after my first attempt. I worry almost everyday that Ill maim myself again and not die. As of 2013, it is estimated that 34 people have survived after jumping. The Golden Gate Bridge, which first opened in May 1937, was the most popular suicide site in the world during the documentary's filming, with approximately 1,200 deaths by 2003. I supported her desire to stop taking her medication. Background: Sydney West was born on July 11, 2001. I used to believe my problems are so intractable that the only way out of my pain was suicide. Those two have shown some effectiveness at reducing suicidal ideation and behavior. This is certainly true for me: narcissistic mother and sister. I want you to know you are loveable and precious. America feeds narcissistic women because their joy is in materialistic consumption, the backbone of this country that once believed life had a higher purpose. In this clinical case conference, the authors begin by presenting vignettes to capture the diversity of bridge suicide. When I woke up a day later, my depression had greatly improved. Between 1937 and 2012, an estimated 1,400 bodies were recovered of people who had jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge, located in the San Francisco Bay Area in the United States. Peace be with you Steven. More women attempt suicide but more men complete it because men use more lethal methods. I am dead broke, have exhausted both my savings and retirement stash, I am about to have my car repod and cant find a job. Your email address will not be published. As the deaths of Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain draw attention to the public health crisis of depression and mental illness, Megyn Kelly TODAY welcomes Kevi. True or false is a perception that changes from person to person. The Pittsburg Sun-Telegraph on May 2, 1948. similar to cancer ads, etc. What Dr. Seiden found is a remarkable testament to the fact that a suicidal crisis is often very often temporary. It may help,, Kind Regards, Your comments are false. A jump off the Golden Gate Bridge takes around four seconds, during which a person will reach a speed of 80 mphbefore smashing into the water's surface like concrete. "No detail is too small," said her mother, Kimberly West. He published the results in an article titled Where Are They Now? SF]. I blame myself 100% for her suicide. A jump off the Golden Gate Bridge takes around four seconds, during which a person will reach a speed of 80 mph before smashing into the water's surface like concrete. She struggled with being so far away from her parents and sister, who reside in North Carolina. She was said to be very close with her family. I fully expected to talk to her the next day, Jay West told KRON4. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed. It turns out that I had, and still have, many misconceptions about myself and the people in encounter. She is described as standing 5'10", weighing about 130 pounds, with light brown hair and blue eyes and possibly wearing glasses. Her Disappearance: Sydney West was a 19-year-old freshman at U.C. Life really sucked and so did I. I blamed myself for everything that was wrong and then some. January 25, 2021 / 11:03 AM Although severe depression led him to jump off the bridge, Kevin Hines has stated: "The very second I let go, I knew I had made a big mistake." They would split the profits from the film 50/50. Sydneyhas light brown hair and blue eyes. Thanks again. 2021 CBS Broadcasting Inc. All Rights Reserved. And these different medications can be combined at various dosages. This research, though 35 years old, still holds true. Between 1937 and 2012, an estimated 1,400 bodies were recovered of people who had jumped from the Golden Gate Bridge, located in the San Francisco Bay Area in the United States.. Edit: FAQs https://findsydneywest.com/faq, https://www.pollyklaas.org/missing-children/sydney-west/, https://pleasantonweekly.com/news/2021/09/30/what-a-week-find-sydney-west, https://www.kron4.com/news/bay-area/searching-for-sydney-san-francisco-police-still-asking-for-publics-help/?fbclid=IwAR2uVE3anCjr5EvpUerTiD6JZxCAENR83-xIRz3TRzAfRuGckyYFzRqnobM, https://storiesoftheunsolved.com/2020/11/27/the-disappearance-of-sydney-west/. For those who are thinking about suicide, I know what happens after youre gone isnt part of the thought process, but believe me, you might end your pain, but the trajectory of pain caused to others is also insurmountable. Youve been through an enormous amount. ChiMaxx, thank you for writing and for raising important points in your comment. A view of the Golden Gate Bridge with San Francisco behind it in January 1947. Leads continue to come in, her parents said. The suicide barrier on the Sydney Harbour Bridge simply rerouted jumpers to a cliff popularly known as The Gap. "Jump." That's the word Kevin Hines heard in his head on September 25, 2000, as he stood on the Golden Gate Bridge. And the children are adults now. Your email address will not be published. Woke up yesterday and realized I needed to make another pilgrimage before the series begins. Part of Audacy. The chances of surviving. None of us can. In Toronto, the barrier at the Bloor Viaduct did not reduce the number of people who died of suicide by jumping in the city; it just moved them to other locations. Being a freshman and isolated on campus due to the COVID pandemic was hard for West, her family said. You can learn more about me here. Privacy Policy. He and his wife lived in Tracy and had an adorable . But what about people like me? My family lied to me about basically everything relevant and valuable in life. Learn how your comment data is processed. Pandora While living in San Francisco West enjoyed singing and playing the piano for open mic nights around the city. Thats simply not true, but it took stepping outside my beliefs, becoming teachable and following the leads of others to find a life worth living. Her parents thanked others for the love and support, and asked people to continue spreading the word by sharing photos and memories of their daughter on social media. West may have been wearing dark leggings, blue Vans shoes and a teal sweatshirt at the time of her disappearance. I am a 60+ year old woman with four grown kids and six grandkids and when the darkness set in I could no longer see the effect this would have had on their lives. I just read your post. And its been a long term plan, for 35 years, but become refined in that time. Now I wonder whether I also pressed reset on my brain. Sydney West Cameras on the Golden Gate Bridge recorded Sydney the morning of Sept. 30. Its agonizing to lose someone you love to suicide, and you describe that agony very powerfully. West, 19, disappeared on a foggy San Francisco morning, around 6:45 a.m. to 7 a.m. Wednesday, Sept. 30 on the Golden Gate Bridge. At approximately 6:45 am, Sydney was captured by cameras entering the Golden Gate Bridge. Parents hope key to teen's disappearance is with passerby on Golden Gate Bridge, How one storm system wreaked havoc from coast to coast, Californians await key decisions from reparations task force, Bankman-Fried might use flip phone under stricter bail plan, Woman accused of killing ill husband released from jail, Alaska's arduous Iditarod kicks off with ceremonial start, was initially thought to have last been seen or heard from early the morning of September 30 in the Crissy Field area. I saw the signs, the depression, his feelings of hopelessness, but somehow its easier to see the signs after it happens and not while you are in the throes of this emotional rollercoaster. It is true that suicide sometimes defies even the best efforts to thwart it. So there are many, many more medications and medication combinations that he can try. You can read more about this at http://www.bmj.com/content/341/bmj.c4447. Sign up for free Patch newsletters and alerts. Since Sept. 30, there has been no activity on her phone or credit cards. It would be logical to assume that being prevented from jumping merely delayed their death. Many self harm injuries, stitches. Especially when its an opinion so your both right. Thank you for providing this site. KCBS IS A REGISTERED TRADEMARK OF CBS BROADCASTING INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. Theres just a lack of evidence that shes not with us anyone, Jay West said. Afterward, I was disgusted and angry. For more information, click here. You also can find other places to get help by phone, email, chat, or text at http://www.SpeakingOfSuicide.com/resources/#immediatehelp. Even though 2/3 are started by women, Virtually every article is written by women. West, 19, disappeared on a foggy San Francisco morning, around 6:45 a.m. to 7 a.m. Wednesday, Sept. 30 on the Golden Gate Bridge. For example, upon hearing me take total responsibility for the failure of my first marriage a gifted woman who is a counselor and pastor said, I typically find that both parties share responsibility equally. Someone mustve seen something nothing is being ruled out. Her family has stated that she enjoyed the area around the Golden Gate Bridge, and it was not unlike her to take pictures and go for a walk or run. He says he fully expected to speak with her the next day and became very worried when she didnt return multiple calls from him. Interviews with jump survivors and potential jumpers . Somehow I survived. Be blunt and honest dont sugar coat how you feel. Photos purchased from Fotolia.com. I wanted to distance myself from it as much as I could so that people would leave me alone. Sydney Harbour Bridge has a suicide prevention barrier. He had a gun in the house that he never used, was trying to sell, I didnt even think of it during this time. Your pain matters. This is a terribly hard process, and I hope that youre able to get help and support from others. 15, 12, by Americaoncoffee. She was last seen in long, dark leggings, a teal hooded sweatshirt and slip-on Vans in a dark green and black print. I wish you all the very best and I pray you each find a way to manage and control the thoughts of suicide. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Same with divorce. You might be helped by connecting with other people who have attempted suicide and can understand not only what can lead a person to do that, but also what comes after. I live with a higher purpose now, but prior to my children I went through hell and constantly entertained the thought of killing myself. I was determined and had written a detailed letter with instructions for the police and family. For me, the will to live kicked in. Her father grew worried when she didnt call the next day the day she was last spotted in San Francisco. Thanks for sharing your story here. A missing person case has also been launched in Orange County, North Carolina, where West's family lives. Andrew Chamings is an editor at SFGATE.